21 coming

The days flew past without turning back.. at a blink.. I am turning 21 "soon"... not yet maybe till another 6 months or so..

Somehow, being another year older means nothing to me.. Not that passing that particular special birth date will make one feel significantly older or wiser.. but maybe it seems to be a meaning less event actually..

With increasing number of people asking me about my birthday plans, and seeing people around me busily planning for their big day towards adulthood, it dawn upon me.. so wad is that birth date of mine means to me? or even them?

Are they celebrating it just because it is 21? or wad? I don't see the much difference being a 20 or 21.. unless you are those who wanted to get married soon, buy house or maybe see a R-rated movie.. if not.. it just mean nothing..

People have been telling me that they are feeling real old when they reached 23.. Will i? Maybe by then, I would have dragged life.. Living a monotonous life can be a bliss and yet something boring.. A part of me hopes I will stay the same then as from now.. Feeling young and that numerical doesn't matter.. Feeling hopeful for dreams to occur and reality doesn't matter.. A life of dreams that will never be broken unless I hopelessly break it..

So now, what does this coming 21st birthday of mine means to me? Seriously speaking nothing.. For a sudden, I feel real sad.. Cos I am not feeling what the normal typical 20s going 21 gers and guys are feeling.. The excitement.. the freedom thats waiting ahead.. Never really loom in my mind.. I never before wanted freedom as I feel that I have mine whenever I opt for it.. So.. no big deal..

To a certain extent, I really envy those who never really celebrated their birthdays before.. As they have something to look forward to.. But as for me, when birthdays aren't the same anymore.. That happiness that was there in the past wasn't there anymore.. When people change and you haven't.. the feelings are just not the same anymore..

Sometimes when people had celebrated their birthday, I really wished to ask them so how do they really feel about their party.. A part of me wanted to make out a picture of emotions that one really has for their party and another part of me wanted to know if that would be how I feel during mine.

A little brain that thinks too much.. Maybe my expectations are too high.. or maybe I don't even have any expectations at all.. Come tell this girl.. whats so special about being 21.. maybe i can be more hopeful for that day to come.. I hope to be just like any other gals.. =)