烦

if only i am not the oldest kid in the house

if only i can not care what is happening around

if only i can turn a deaf ear to everything

if only money is no issue

if only

i hate me for being the oldest kid

i hate me for not being able to heck care what's happening

i hate me for not being able to turn a deaf ear t everything

i hate money is a very big issue

i hate

A dream

Had a dream today and this person appeared as the main "actor" of the entire story. Disclaimer: The reason why I'd like to blog this down isn't because he is exceptionally special but since I've blogged yesterday, the momentum is there. haha

Anyway, this particular guy is somewhat "special" no doubt cos from my memory, I can clearly remember I've only seen him ONCE in my life, at a seminar, though this ONCE lasted like 45mins to an hour cos he is the speaker of the seminar. And in the dream, he was a lecturer too.

Somehow, the brain is such a wonder. This event had been over since months ago, maybe 2 months ago.. and out of no where, he just "trespassed" into my dreams. It is amazing how our brain actually extract information or pictorials formed long ago and once in a while bring it up to your sight again when you least know it will happen.

I can vaguely remember him as Jason, not even sure if I have got his name correctly. Sigh.. I have not even dreamt of my idol Jam Hsiao or Andy Lau before, what an irony. But nevertheless, he is a promising guy, with lotsa dream and vision (if not he couldn't be a speaker of a seminar right? duh..) and he is a big shot in an Architect firm.

It would be interesting if I am able to meet him again in real life. Hahaha.. Imagine if my opening statement was... "Hey there, I dreamt of you before months/years ago leh... haha.." I think he will faint.. so will I. lol~ (Do you think I will say something like this when I have not spoken to that person ever before?) haha..

Abstract of the dream: I did something good like preventing someone from doing bad something like that. Then busybody me dunno why walk passed a lecture room and stick my head in for a peep, seeing him lecturing. Thinking that it was interesting, I peeped a while longer (not knowing who he was) which resulted in him noticing me and a subsequent relentless chase, made me thot I did something wrong. Then he persistently pulled me along to some party/orientation/games thingy and announced I did something good but not the specifics which left me puzzled???? Thereafter, we paired up and played a lot of games with many other students. (something weird.. haha) And dunno why the next scene was me watching this video made by someone discussing about their plan or project and lastly mentioning me (read: thanking me) for my good deed. Then I know what I really did. Hahaha..

Just feel like writing it down cos if one day I learnt how to read dreams, maybe i can explain using this sequence of events what really happened since it is still so vivid in my mind. Hee.. Also wondering if I will ever see that guy again (which I doubted) and I believe I can't tell him I dreamt of him before.. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...) ok la... even if I do.. most probably, with my limited memory span, I will forget about this whole dream thingy.. rofl~

cluttered sense

When it comes to blogging, I have so much to say yet so little I want to write. I do not know if there are any particular reason. It may be due to laziness, lack of time, no intention of letting out whatever that happens or my feelings out for the public to read or hear, this little outlet may serve the purpose of me vetting out my feelings but since there is no reader then why bother? Seems like its altogether some pretty contradicting potential reason but I can't really single out any or it may just be a combination of all.

I wonder if time really flies? It seems so.. but.. I don't feel it at all. In fact, time passes real slowly. Though it had been 1 and a half month since my last post and today happened to be valentine's day, days wouldn't seem to get by as fast without those holidays. And that just meant that the days ahead are going to pass by even more slowly.

Sze wei had gone to Australia. I kind of envy her alot because she gets to go oversea for so long; about a year. I made it sounds so leisure but she is actually there to further her studies. However, she only has a 1-day week schedule. Lucky gal~ Hope things will be fine for her, be it weather, school, classmates and room-mates and everything.

I just finished my 3rd month of work at this new company. No particular feeling or satisfaction, still hoping to search deep down inside me what I really want. Sigh..

The dinner I had yesterday with my sis made me thing what goals I really have in mind for this year and I realised that I have not really laid down my resolutions for the year. I hope I can really find a direction or target soon so that this year will pass by fast and the economy will turn for the better and so my holiday will come earlier too.

Too many thoughts, too cluttered a post, a mixture of feelings, nice love songs from andy lau's new album... wondering... when Mr. Right will appear?

Happy New Year

First of all, Happy New Year.

This seems extremely fresh and important to me as this day also marks the real beginning of a different phase of my life. Not that its a major turnaround point or what.. Just that, I am officially stepping into my first working year.

Things have changed, obviously. I was actually thinking of how the past was like and how I roam around the streets, do small little frivolous things that seems all so big. Even the people around me, whom then I saw, are growing up. Somehow, I feel old at such a young tender age when I thought the guy standing right beside me seems to have grown up from the little boy face I sort of vaguely remember in my tiny brain.

Time really do pass by fast, only when you are thinking back. There seems to be no so much of problems can't solve or whatsoever, as time will takes its toll and things will settle one by one. I wonder what things will be like in one year's time.

This morning, my "brother" asked me to pen down a whole list of new year's resolutions and wishlist. Deep down inside, I felt reluctant. Not that I am lazy to write or type (if not otherwise, I wouldn't have such a long post anyway.. I am foreseeing this to be long.. haha). But then, I really don't have a clue what I want to achieve this year. Miraculously, there was also this news on yahoo which struck me as it says: New Year resolutions can be bad for you: study

I can totally understand where this study come from. Basically, it is rather depressing to oneself, if things you set out to do wasn't accomplished. I can't say that I am a carefree person, taking things as it is and finishing things as it comes. Ironically, I am a virgo. Maybe I am not the most perfect one since I am one of those stuck in the beginning few days of the flock. But then, I like to see end results coming beautifully in the way I wanted it to be. Hence, though I am not a planning person, whatever that comes along, I will want it to be at its perfection according to my standards (of cos!)

Ok. Back to the wishlist, sigh.. I can't really pinpoint any. I am afraid that if I list down all those things which I wanted to do, I will only disappoint myself. Many have asked me about why I haven't proceed on with my driving lessons, tests etc. Seems like I have also constantly been giving them the same old answer. Am I cheating myself on it? Giving numerous excuses? Maybe? However, looking at how my bank account depletes after deducting the shitty computer loan (ok la.. i knew it is coming.. so stay cool~), it just never fail to dampen my motivation further. Oh man.. Maybe no one will know the fear, commitments that I see myself facing in the future. I used to be so carefree about it in the past, but never so anymore.

Then again, let's steer back the topic to a happy one. It's the new year, starting on a new tone! I am happy that I spent the first good half an hour watching tv with my family, and the next few wee hours with a bunch of good friends.

We also made many of our first attempts of the year: The first lame joke, the first supper, the first drive, first song we sang and many more. It's fun how things turn out though my eye lids are weighing down periodically as time threads past my dreamy hours. I am glad that I made the right choice to drag my tired body out of the house after I finished 8 hours of shopping with my cutie sister. hahaha.

Hope the year will go on well for me.

2009 - a new beginning; a new start

Let us all be blessed.

Its been quite some time since I last blogged again.

Ah.. why.. seems like many of my friends have lack the momentum or the discipline or the urge to update their life on blogs. Maybe that is the beauty of study life: always have the luxury of time!

Yesterday just got to listen to show luo's newest album. The song lyrics below mostly is typed written by me since the lyrics couldn't be found anywhere online. Don't know why, but i just thought the lyrics and the melody is beautiful, sweet and touching. hehe. I guess I'll be hooked to this song for a period of time. lala.

This festive season is rather cool. Gotta meet up with many different groups of friends and I really feel contented. But then, my pocket also feel the emptiness. haha..

Actually i really do not wish January to come. Its a scary month with extreme expense output. Sigh.. Two weddings, Dad's birthday, New Year (Chinese and English), Laptop loan, more birthdays and what not... Wah.. I think I can hide in the office for two months to save my lunch monies... bad bad bad..

Hoping for better days to come~

罗志祥 - 幸福不灭

沒原因 就是喜歡你

在初次相遇 有重逢的心情

深呼吸 讓心動隱形

完美的爱情 是無聲的旋律

聽 我聽你不確定的語氣

等 我等你放下你的犹豫

嘿 如果你輕輕閉上眼睛

我會明白你做的決定

cause i believe 那幸福不滅的定律

在你手心 会有誰給你的美麗

尽责很紧 就讓我的心安靜地守著妳 祝福不用回应

沒原因 就是喜歡你

就像还眷恋凭空般的心情

你前进 看着你背影 就足够世界无条件的放晴

你 如果已爱上他的幸运

爱 如果已没有我的空隙

嘿 只有你可以永远开心

我会请愿渐渐被忘记

cause i believe 那幸福不滅的定律在你手心 会有誰給你的美麗

尽责很紧 就讓我的心安靜地守著妳 把祝福送给你

oh I believe

cause i believe 那幸福不滅的定律

你的手心 不一定要由我握緊

就像恆星 總會有發光的原因

oh i believe 你值得被珍惜 也值得我放棄放棄

lost in the way~

Thinking my this post will be something about my new job - yes and no

What made me feel like jotting down my feelings is yet my bunch of HDB khakis... Sigh..

Its been 2 weeks in my new job. And I can say I have yet a long time to adjust and adapt to it. Not that the job scope is very hard to chew, but the environment, the culture, the people are ten thousand miles of difference away with my HDB pals. And the wedding banquet I attended this monday did no help and make me reminisence the past days even more.

I totally enjoyed the wedding dinner. Though it is an extremely expensive one, it gives me lotsa laughter, lotsa friendships and lotsa wonderful memories. Seemingly, I am getting no where being irrational, but.. why~ why~ why~

I sometimes wonder.. how am I going to survive.. I make minimal interactions during work.. and how can this ever happen to such a sociable kid like me?!?!?!?!

I can still clearly remember how noisy I am when I was at HDB.. How bouncy and jumpy I am when I was at HDB.. How much of the time I spent laughing away.. How much time I was really serious and focus in my job.. How much time I spent talking to people of any kind.. How how and how..

Now that it is all over.. I can only once in a while, think back and laugh my head off..

They always say.. nv look back.. But if it is the best memories one have.. why can't I?

Then again, this is not a time for regret but to make things happen and live life to its fullest.. How to.. Maybe I must ask myself that question more often... What can I do to fit in to this new group of people with different frequencies, different laugh notes, different topics of discussion.. Its the age gap barrier and different stages of life barrier I have to overcome man...

Show me the way before I get too LOST~