Grap my hands! Hug me! And kiss me!

Granny, she is still very weak. Maybe so do i. Every time when I visit her, seeing her lie there in her bed, motionless, my heart would just shivers. Shiver in fear, yet holding strong cause I believe one day, she will wake up.. for me.. maybe..

Holding on to her hand and gripping it tight is a really painful thing. Its as if you are just holding to some lifeless toy bear, giving you the warmth that you always needed and yet cruelly refuses to hug you back to give you, the assurance you needed. I can still remember clearly, for the past few years, when my family is in a pretty bad financial situation, my grandma will never fail to use her two strong hands to push ten or twenty bucks into my hands, which I refused to take. And all the time, she will succeed in her act, saying that she will be angry if I keep refusing. That strong hands of hers is not like today’s.

Recalling the wonderful times, when I spend in my grandma house, though may not be really fun or happy, the hug that she gave me at the end of the day is definitely worthy for the trip all the way to her house at Seng Kang. And the kisses I pet on her cheeks and hers on mine. The feeling of being loved and to love is definitely nice. But now.. Will I get it back again or have a chance to relive the situations again?

A few more days to my grandma’s 86 birthday. I am really not sure if she will recover to celebrate with us, but I have told her that I will want to celebrate with her. Can she hear my prayers and my wishes?

Realized this is my 200th post. Wow. And sadly, its not a very interesting or happy post of my life. Nothing seems happy recently anyway. Haiz.