Friends! Where are you?

I LOVE YOU BARNEY.. not literally dun worry.. know you are attached.. haha... at this point in time when i dread on the topic of friends, two friends of mine assure me of my importance (maybe i interpret wrongly but i choose to believe) mi as a good friend of theirs.. And thats Barney and yiling..

I can say that throughout my whole 19 years of life.. I have NEVER fall out with any friend except one.. But thats a different case.. given my character.. i always choose to be the soft-hearted one.. maybe one can say that i am not firm on my stand or wadever i dun care.. but i will just try to protect every friendship i have with everybody..thats because i dun want to lose any of you whom i deem important in my life... i am definitely not being dependant here.. just that as much as you all needed me.. i need YOU too.. and of cos.. the friendship i meant here is not "schoolfriends" but what i really call FRIENDS..

Maybe whatever i have done is not enough to be a good friend of others.. thats becos i am not fun to be with.. not vocal with subjects on fashion and stuff.. but i am a great thinker.. a great advisor.. a great comforter.. and a great friend when it comes to heart to heart stuff.. maybe some will think that i am thickskin but its really true..

Somehow, when you really walked into my life.. I already "ren ding" you will be the one.. its really hurting that when one friend of mine wants me to stay happy and another is bringing me down to the sadness grounds.. maybe unintentionally.. however, i am glad that i still have friends..

Time-based friends, school friends i have alot.. but is it what i need? Shit.. at the point in time when you cannot find THE ONE.. don't you think that having a good and closed friend could be just as good.. It's just saddening that when i'm at my worst times, "THE ONE" and my long best friend walked away at the same time because of misunderstanding or she din even understand me at all? I am not someone who leaves when i know you need me.. So shit.. Try to find ya next close friend from ya time-based friends.. you never know when you need them.. I know you are strong.. you think that you can handle everything yourself cos no one else can.. but having some close friends to talk to will definitely be nice..

Yiling.. I dun mind being a level 1 friend.. like you said.. i will never know how thick can this level one be.. i will try my best to make it thicker.. and maintain it.. As for barney, i will be happy.. though my life have been in a roller coaster mode lately, running up and down every min everyday.. As much as i want myself to be happy, something bad will happen.. But thats how life should be isn't it.. Glad that you are really happy now.. Which means that maybe i will not be needed anymore.. Somehow i only pass by people's life when they are down, to support them and to comfort them.. I am not like shit.. cos he literally leaves when he feels he is not needed anymore.. but for mi is.. somehow the other way.. Ah.. no point thinking so much again.. Barney, must stay happy FOREVER okie.. so that i will have the motivation to find my happiness and be even happier than you are... But at the moment, if u dun irritate me that often maybe i will be happier? hahaha.. or maybe not? argh... idiot me!

Thanks again to all who considered me as their good friend.. I really need assurance and confirmation.. Cos i really dunno who are you guys..... *LOST